4 Essential Skills to Starting Relationships with Strangers

The common factor of any relationship, even ones that you are intentionally using the Law of Attraction to bring into your life, is that you start by meeting strangers.

Answer.com defines stranger as "1. One who is neither a friend nor an acquaintance."

Obvious point to think about, at one time every friend, co-worker, buddy, chum, lover, boy/girlfriend, etc. was a stranger. This article focuses on 4 essential skills to starting relationships with strangers. Whether these relationships develop further is another issue.

Many of us grew-up with someone, parents, teachers, police, etc. telling us "don't talk to strangers." This admonition seems appropriate for use with children who are vulnerable and susceptible to the wiles and deceit of malicious adults. But we were never told "Until you grow-up and learn to tell good people from bad, 'don't talk to strangers.'" Many of us still have this thought buried inside and not know it's still affecting us meeting new people. By practicing these essential skills, you can learn to meet strangers easily.

Many of us, and at times I too, find it difficult to start a conversation with strangers. Whether it's feelings of inferiority, being out of our comfort zone, at a gathering where everyone else seems to know everyone else, at times meeting people seems intimidating and frightening.

I believe these essential skills make it easier for me to meet strangers. Over the years, I've built up my confidence in using these skills. This confidence has raised my vibrations so that I meet strangers that are more open to me. By attracting more strangers that match my vibrations, I get closer to meeting the ideal people of my desires.

1. Smile
Smiling does wonders for breaking the ice. Think about when someone you know smiles at you. How to you feel? Pretty good. Now, what about when you see others smiling. You sense their happiness and joy. Check out this project at SmileMyDay.com and see how smiles make you feel. (BTW, I just attracted this site to come into my experience by writing this post.)

Smiling is a major principle in How to Win Friend and Influence People. If a chapter is devoted to smiling in one of the classics of personal development, it's got to be important.

Practice smiling. Your smile can be an all teeth, ear-to-ear grin, or just turned-up corners of you mouth like the Mona Lisa. Practice your smile. Whether you look in a mirror and try different smiles or just practice the feeling of your smile, practice. It helps you feel good. When you feel good you, you project good vibrations and therefore attract more good into your life. (It seems to be a recurring theme: raise vibrations, attract more good.)

What I think is most important is the feeling you have while smiling. Be genuine, have a real smile, let that emotion flow through you. By practicing the smile in front of the mirror you can see how you look to others. Keep in mind, you want a real smile. Fake smiles can be detected by others and you even know when you fake your smile. So be genuine.


2. Eye Contact "The eyes are the windows to the soul."
In American society, where I'm from, eye-contact is important. I'm not talking about a staring contest. (I save that for my son.) Nor am I talking about the intimidating stare of a bully. I'm talking about an open, kind feeling in your heart that puts a twinkle in your eye.

One of the first people you should be looking at in the eye is yourself. Spend sometime looking in a mirror. If this is new for you, other than brushing your hair, be gentle with yourself. Looking yourself in the eye, is like looking your best friend in the eye. In fact, relationship experts say you should have the best relationship with yourself so you can have great relationships with others.

Looking at myself in the mirror is where I do some of my best affirmation work. Here is where I do some of my best pep talk work. Mirrors allow me to see myself better. I can get in tune with myself more fully. By practicing looking myself in the eye, I feel more comfortable looking others in the eye.


3. Say Hello
It's simple, it's easy and is the first step in starting a conversation. If you are as shy and timid as a rabbit, practice this on the grocery clerk or a check-out person. Along with the smile, eye contact and "Hello" you are off to a great beginning in starting a conversation with your next new friend.

If at first you are still a bit shy, maybe nod your head in a greeting of hello. 90% of communication is done non-verbally. Just looking at someone and nodding, is a big improvement for some and a good step towards meeting new friends.

4. Make a compliment
This is the beginnings of a real conversation. Everyone likes to hear something nice about themselves, even if it's something about their choices such as the book they are reading, the shoes they are wearing, how artistic they've made their name tag, etc. Another chapter in How to Win Friend and Influence People was devoted to complimenting others.

Think about how you feel when someone compliments you. When someone compliments me, or my tie, or my shirt, or how well I dressed that day, I feel good. That's what you want to do for others, have them feel good. When someone feels good because of your compliment, then they are more likely to say something back to you. Even if it is a "Thank you", you've had a conversation with a stranger. Celebrate that success.


What does all this have to do with the Law of Attraction?

As mentioned earlier in this post, as you are developing these skills, you are raising your vibrations about how you feel about yourself. You are also raising your vibrations about how you feel about other people and your comfort level in meeting others. When you attract someone you desire into your life, then you have developed the skills to inroduce yourself the next time you have that intuitive desire to walk up to a stranger and start a conversation.


By practicing one skill and then another and another you are building the essential skills to starting relationships with strangers. It's these strangers that will become your new business partners, friends, lovers, etc. These 4 essential skills are simple and easy to develop. By working on these skills, like I have done, even simple interactions with grocery store clerks, other customer's in line, etc. you'll begin to feel better about yourself, more likable and desirable because people have smiled back at you, said "Hello" to you and even talked with you for however brief a time. When you walk away from a simple and pleasant interaction, you will feel good about that interaction and yourself. You are raising your vibrations and attracting more good interactions with people and the relationships you desire will come into your life.

Suggested reading:

How to Win Friend and Influence People

Related Posts:

Three Important Success Tips with the Law of Attraction

I'm looking forward to getting unclothed

Mistakes and Learning Experiences

It's coming up on six months that I started this blog and now I look at the mistakes I made in starting and developing this blog.

But wait! Did I make mistakes? I guess that depends on what perspective I take in looking at the last six months.

(If you're thinking "Is this just a post about Dean's learning experiences with blogging or is there a moral to this story?" Go ahead and keep reading, you'll find out soon enough.)

In January 2007 did I know anything about blogs and blogging. Not really. I thought they were only for sharing information with family, friends and the MySpace crowd. Not a good image. Then I did some research. Learned how extensive blogging has evolved beyond the family, friends and MySpace crowd. I learned about linking, search engine optimization, comments, pingbacks, bloglogs, etc.

OK, so now I've learned some information and with this information, I'm going to plunge in and get started.

Ready * Fire * Aim

But wait, how do I get started? Blogger, Wordpress, TypePad? Use a free service or get my own domain and get a hosting service? At the time, this was a new process for me. I knew some information, definitely knew I didn't know everything and I was willing to learn as I went along and make corrections later. (I think this is a key point in perspective about mistakes and learning experiences.)

Ready * Fire * Aim

Almost six months later, I find that there is more to blogging than I initially thought. I enjoy blogging more than I find challenges to blogging. I'm thinking "OK, this is looking like something I want to continue doing." I've had a itch to write for years and never took pen to paper (see how long I've been itching to write). Business and love letters aside, I have spent very little time writing since my college days. Except for my Rocky Horror Communication Analysis paper, college papers were for the most part, very dry.

(Here is one hint to happiness, do something you like doing. I know everyone says DO what you LOVE doing, but I like writing. I love helping people, I love sharing information with people. Blogging is one way of sharing and helping people.)

Over the past couple of months, I've watch my readership climb, but have I reached people? (I hope so.) Have I made a connection? (again, I hope so.) Do I have all the tools available to optimize my writing, my readership, my reach and more? I've come to realize no. Time to make corrections and changes. Coming soon to a browser near you, a different look and feel. The learning experiences brought up by six months of blogging. (Comments and suggestions are welcome.)

Ready * Fire * Aim

Ok, now, Do I have my life on the line? No. Do I have lots of money on the line? No. Will my whole world collapse around me if I go Wordpress OR TypePad? No.

Does the severity of the questions we ask, affect how we look at mistakes verses learning experiences? Most likely, but will taking one approach "learning experiences" produce better outcomes than "mistakes"? I hope so.

Here is a personal example:

I recently, 2006, nearly lost everything. Here comes the emotional downward spiral: two "less than successful" businesses; I ended up moving in with my ex-father-in-law and was staying in the bedroom that my ex-wife grew-up in (Weird huh); unemployment for 3/4 of the year and only a part-time job the last 2 months of the year. At the time, were there mistakes made. Yes, mostly believing in mistakes as something bad. Intellectually, I knew about learning experiences, but emotionally I was wrapped up in the mistakes. And emotions are the fuel for attracting into our life. As I was focusing my attention on lack and failure, 2006 got worse and worse. It was unpleasant and I could see myself spiraling but was blinded to the answer.

December 2006, I'm introduced to The Secret. Nothing really new here, but it just shined a light in a dark cavern and got me to THINK again. DUH! The emotional charge of failure and making mistakes clouded my thinking.

2007 rolls around and things start changing. New job, new career, new opportunities. Get a new place to live and then the my children's mother tries to take custody of them from me. Hmmm. What's in your vibrational escrow. But that is a whole other topic.

It's now the end of August. I've been viewing that whole year as a learning experience. I'm able to look back at the businesses that were less than successful in 2006 as learning experiences. I've taken the emotional charge out of the mistakes (thanks to EFT and writing) and now using that time as information to make new choices going forward.

Moral of the story:

Mistakes are what we beat ourselves up with mentally and emotionally. I know, I've been there. By changing how we view life events as learning experiences, we can take in new information and process this information to a more positive outcome of the event and with an open mind, we can see more clearly.

Thoughts from The Universe

I want to share something with you that I've been experiencing for a couple of months now.

The Universe sends me emails. Yes, I know it sounds wierd, but it's true. I signed up to have The Universe send me emails 5 days a week. Like magic I attract these wonderful, inspiring, insightful messages in my inbox that bring up my vibrations.

Mike Dooley, one of the featured presenters in the movie The Secret, has a website called TUT's Adventurers Club. Here you can sign-up for Throughts From The Universe to get your inspiring daily emails.

Hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

And remember: "Thoughts become things...choose the good ones."

Emotions and Desire

Some say that to “want” something is to feel lack. “I want a million dollars.” “I want someone to love.” Saying the words is one thing, but what of the feeling we put to those words? If one says in a whining, whimpering voice, “I want a Mercedes.” That conveys a feeling of lack. However, seeing a new Mercedes CLK550 Cabriolet cruising past, and your heart starts beating faster, your pupils dilate, and you say breathlessly “I want one of those!” THAT is desire. Keep that feeling as long as you can. I relish in my impulsive feelings of desire, especially when it is something that I’m working on currently. Remember that feeling each time you see that car, each time you look at it on your vision board, visualize and dream about it.

Law of Attraction states that whatever we vibrate, we attract; whether positive or negative. Emotions are our way of vibrating. Thinking about how good we look in our new clothes, disappointed about our beat-up car, the worry about paying our bills, the excitement of last night’s date are all emotions or feelings we have about these events. These emotions are our vibrations we are giving off to the universe.

These examples are good for what we are already experiencing. These are genuine, real feelings we have about our experiences. What about what we want or desire to experience? How can we create these feelings / vibrations? Here are a couple of things I’m doing:

1. Remember what the feeling was like when we actually did experience something similar.

Yes, living in the past is not always a good thing. What we are doing here is what actors call method acting. Recalling a past situation that is similar to what you want or desire for the future. For example: remembering the excitement of winning a tournament, the big game, making a big sale, being in love. We can recall feelings associated with past events, both good and bad. Now, keep those same feelings, preferably the good ones, and visualize new images, new pictures in your head about what you desire. You are the director of your play; you set the scene for yourself, the new images. The actor (you) draws on your past experiences and gives life to your new role, the one in your play with the new desires.

2. Go out and try it, feel it, experience it.

I love the smell of a new car. So for me, going to a car dealer helps me feel the contour of the driver’s seat, the thick padded steering wheel in my hands, looking out through the windows, going for a test drive, etc. Go to open houses in your neighborhood, or better yet, in the neighborhood that you would like to live in. Remember the feelings you get in the awesome rooms, pretend to brush your teeth in the master bathroom, sit on the sofa, etc. Go clothes shopping somewhere other than Wal-Mart or Target, some place that has a dressing area and plenty of mirrors. Admire yourself in some really nice new clothes. Breathe in the smell of the fabric, feel the texture of the cloth, notice the quality of the stitching.

Also observe what other thoughts you have when mating your feelings and your thoughts. Be aware of add-ons to your thoughts of desire. Seeing the Cabriolet zip by, your desire shoots sky high and you say “I want one of those...but I can never afford one” will dampen the fire of desire, weaken your emotion, or quiet your vibration. Let your heart sing. It’s ok to desire and want on a high vibrational plane.

Wanting and desiring are good, when you are thinking good thoughts and feeling good feelings. When there is resistance to feeling good about our desires, there is something negative in our past, which we also associate with desire or the item that we desire. But, that is another issue that will need to be explored later. For now, keep in mind that desire is the first step in creating our new life.